I really really do! I have had enough!
I miss Brandon and I want him home - now!
T0day in the hospital he did not even open his eyes for 10 seconds. He did not even have the strength to speak one sentence. Yet when I am there at least I am with him...at least there is some semblance of 'we are together'.
But then I come home and it sucks! Of course it is great to see the kids. When they are up there is reason to smile, to laugh. Today I caught Dana opening the pantry and feeding Koby Cheerios one at a time. These are my moments of joy. And they are great but...
Brandon should be here to smile with me; Brandon should be here to read Dana her story. to make Koby giggle. to make Dana her dunky egg in the morning, to veg with me on the couch and complain about shows on repeat, to warm up my feet that are always ice cold, and to go to bed with at night. He should be here to comfort me when I wake up with nightmares, and help when Koby wakes up at 3am.
This is SHIT! TOTAL SHIT!
We had a date night planned for tomorrow - just the 2 of us - dinner and a movie. Not a big deal but time for just the 2 of us to spend together. Were we asking too much?!?!?!?
I want him home, with me and the kids - like he promised he always would be.
I am angry and sad and just plain pissed off - because this is NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!
I want to rewind and change this; I want to wake up; I want it to go away and leave us alone. Because we do not deserve this - not Brandon, me or the kids.