As I lay awake on Monday night, alone in my huge king size bed, eyes red and swollen, I felt like I had to write...to someone....to no one. Somehow these things in my head needed to get out there. And so I looked through the Internet for some chat group. But I don't want to chat, I just want to write.
A blog seemed like the perfect vehicle.
To be brutally honest - this blog is for selfish reasons only.
I am not writing to provide an update to family and friends - though I am sure the many that love Brandon will read this to find out what is going on.
I am not writing to help others going through something similar - though if it helps then that's great.
I am not writing to get sympathy or help - though I am interested in people's own thoughts and reactions.
I am not writing to chronicle things for the kids - Brandon can tell them this story himself when they are in their 40's.
So here's what you can expect - nothing. If that is harsh, then I do not apologize. Because this is for me and Brandon...and nobody else.
My plan is to write when I want/feel/need to, about what I want/feel/need to. I am sure that some days there will be many posts, other days there may be none. Some will be sad, some angry and some emotionless. I hope that the majority are happy. Brandon will write too if he ever wants to. If not, that's fine.
And that's the way it will be. Because that's what we need right now.
Don't get me wrong, we appreciate everyone's love, prayers and support. Please do not stop caring and reaching out to us. We love you and we need you.
I just don't want this blog to become something I have to keep up, I want it to remain true to my heart, and right now my heart can't make any more promises than to love my family completely.
Welcome to our fairytale.