Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Juggling

Today is the first day that I am not at the hospital with Brandon - and I hate it. I feel like I am missing something so important - What if he needs something? What if he is not feeling well? Who is going to be there to understand his grimaces that mean different things? Who will ask the Dr. questions when he makes his rounds? Who will ensure he puts his eye drops in? I don't even know the numbers today!!!

And I am angry - angry at everything that is keeping me away from him right now:

- Dana wanted mommy to dress her and eat breakfast with her
- I had to drive Dana to school, and then she did not want me to leave
- I have to sit at home for hours while a new furnace is installed
- I have to get back to work, reach out to clients, complete projects
- Groceries need to be bought
- Errands need to be run

Please know that I love my daughter with all my heart, and I know that she needs me now more than ever, and I know she misses daddy. I am NOT angry with her AT ALL, but at the tasks that need to be completed to get her on some routine.

I also know that the furnace needs to be fixed...but why now?

I also know that I have to get back to work. I have responsibilities and clients there that are important. And we need the income. (As my boss reads this now I hope she understands)

But with all these "life responsibilities" my heart is elsewhere. It is at Princess Margaret Hospital with my husband. I know I can't be there with him all the time, but I want to be there.

And so I begin my juggling act - hospital, home, work, errands, finances, carpools, groceries, play time, bed time, mealtime.....

and it is hard.
and I am angry.

5 comments:

  1. Hi-I have just learned this unfortunatete news from a common friend of Brandon and I. I am very sorry to hear this, however, I am entirely confident that Brandon WILL BEAT THIS! I grew up with him and I know he is a heck of a tough cookie! I apologize for writing to you from this avenue however, I want to lend my support and for you and Brandon to know that if you need anything at all at any time, please do not hesitate to call or contact me.

    Matthew Green
    647-868-0265
    fwclubsales@live.com

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  2. Taly...I can't even imagine your struggle...it's hard enough juggling 2 kids, work, life's annoyances (furnace) etc.. Several times I have started to comment on one of your posts but to be honest I don't know what to say... I can never understand your struggles right now but I often think of the randomness of the cancer afflicting Brandon. As we recognized previously, our lives are somewhat parallel...this could have happened to us. I'm sure you are continually perplexed by this randomness. I remember your FB status after Brandon's diagnosis read "Why can't the impossible just be impossible?". I'm not sure what lessons are to be learned by this situation (if any at all) but I can say that the lesson it's taught me is to appreciate every moment I have in this life and with my loved ones.

    Hugs,

    Julie (Bodrug)

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  3. Taly, you Brandon and your kids are in our thoughts and prayers.You need to conserve your energy, you will need in in the long haul. Please give our best wishes to Brandon. He will pull through, these hockey players are tough. Please take care of yourself.
    Leah and Paul - Ann Arbor.

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  4. Always remember that you both have the right to feel ANGRY. You are both entitled to feel that this is unfair. Because it is unfair.
    Luckily, you are both strong individuals and you are even stronger as a couple. People can dream their whole life and never find a resemblance to the connection that you have with one another. Taly, you are there with Brandon every minute in spirit. Dont be so hard on yourself. You are doing your best. We are all impressed. As soul mates......you never have to worry about being apart.....you are always together.

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  5. I am a colleague and friend of Doug and Sharon Martin, and received word of Brandon's illness from them. I remember them talking after they first met you about how much they enjoyed getting to know you. And I was so sorry to hear of this dreadful disease invading your lives.

    I went through a struggle with cancer myself (lymphoma) this past summer. While my treatment & reactions were no where near what Brandon is experiencing, I feel great sympathy for what you are going through and wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I am asking God to give Brandon relief from the symptoms and side effects, to give you both the strength each day to do the things that you need to do, no matter how hard they may be, and to heal him completely. And I am asking that He will comfort your hearts and give you peace in the middle of this storm.

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