Not sure why, but I came to the hospital today with such high hopes....today he would be better, today would be the turning point on the road to recovery....
On the way to the hospital (with the kids in tow), Brandon's mom called me to come up alone first, to assess whether we should bring in the kids. And my heart sank.
Walked into his room and there he lay - unresponsive, not moving, not speaking. I called out his name - nothing. And I lost it. Totally lost it!
I did take in the kids, hoping that they would stir the same reaction as yesterday. He did manage to put an arm around Koby, but no words, no eye contact. And Koby lay there completely still, as if he knew today was different than yesterday. And then we brought in Dana - and she was scared and did not want to sit with Daddy or hug daddy. We finally got her to kiss him on the head. No reaction from Brandon.
He did have a few lucid moments. I asked him if he loved me. After struggling for several moments he murmured one word - "oodles" - our little expression for each other - I love you oodles. And whenever I would lean my head against his lips I would get a kiss. Moments...moments when there is a speck of hope in this horrible nightmare.
Medically he is not doing well. He has swelling in his brain (caused by the virus in his brain), liver issues, kidney issues, bladder virus...and today a new concern about Graft vs Host (which would be the biggest concern). The Drs are doing everything they can and reaching out to other centres across North America. They are not too optimistic.
I hate this so much! I hate seeing him like this! I NEED him to get better!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!