I have not written a blog - for good reason - life has been busy....with life.
Cooking, grocery shopping, playing with the kids, work, errands, cleaning up poop....
The day to day tasks that had been taken away from us so abruptly.
It's been so great having Brandon here with me, in the same room, on the same couch, in the same bed.
But I will be honest - it has also been hard. Hard because as much as we try to be 'normal', things are far from normal...
- On Friday Brandon was nauseous all day. So we debated whether or not to go to the hospital. What does this mean? Is he just tired? Did he eat too much? Is he getting sick? Is the cancer back? So we spent the day worrying. And I spent all night watching and listening to him sleep...just to make sure.
- Even during happy moments - Brandon will look at Koby and/or Dana and start to tear up, because there is always that fear...that thought..."I just want to see them grow up".
- And then there is the truth that continues to loom over us all the time - there are still 2 rounds of chemo (at least)- as good as Brandon is feeling, we now know how badly he reacts to the treatment.
Brandon has been great - not surprising because he has been the greatest since the day I met him. He tries (and does) help out as much as he can, wakes up with Koby, takes Dana to school, and really focuses on making me happy (as always).
He is fighting - fighting hard! But the other truth has been introduced --- as much as he fights, as well as he does, it is all for not unless we find a transplant donor. The cancer WILL come back, within the year, and then remission will be much harder to achieve. We have started the search and now we pray that someone out there will be a match.
It is great to have Brandon home - and we are focusing on that. My friend Pamela bought me a bracelet last week engraved with some very special (and perfect) words - "Cherish the small miracles" - and that is what we are doing. Daily. Together.