Friday, October 1, 2010

No Surprise Visitors - please

As much as we appreciate the outpouring of support, I would like to ask people NOT to drop by the hospital without calling first. Several reasons:

1. Brandon is in no state for visitors...and neither are we
2. It is really a time for close family ONLY
3. He is not there for display....as people come in and just stare --- I know people don't mean to d0 that, but it feels that way
4. I don't want Brandon to know how bad things are, and people dropping in who have not been in contact or on visits before is just too fishy (Brandon can still hear and is not an idiot)
5. We need room for the Drs to do their checks and it is a small room
6. We just can't handle other people there right now (who have not checked with us first)

Once Brandon is feeling better, we will have a celebration and you can all come give him a hug.
But not now.

Hope everyone understands - BIG HUG to you all!!

This needs to get better

Not sure why, but I came to the hospital today with such high hopes....today he would be better, today would be the turning point on the road to recovery....

On the way to the hospital (with the kids in tow), Brandon's mom called me to come up alone first, to assess whether we should bring in the kids. And my heart sank.

Walked into his room and there he lay - unresponsive, not moving, not speaking. I called out his name - nothing. And I lost it. Totally lost it!

I did take in the kids, hoping that they would stir the same reaction as yesterday. He did manage to put an arm around Koby, but no words, no eye contact. And Koby lay there completely still, as if he knew today was different than yesterday. And then we brought in Dana - and she was scared and did not want to sit with Daddy or hug daddy. We finally got her to kiss him on the head. No reaction from Brandon.

He did have a few lucid moments. I asked him if he loved me. After struggling for several moments he murmured one word - "oodles" - our little expression for each other - I love you oodles. And whenever I would lean my head against his lips I would get a kiss. Moments...moments when there is a speck of hope in this horrible nightmare.

Medically he is not doing well. He has swelling in his brain (caused by the virus in his brain), liver issues, kidney issues, bladder virus...and today a new concern about Graft vs Host (which would be the biggest concern). The Drs are doing everything they can and reaching out to other centres across North America. They are not too optimistic.

I hate this so much! I hate seeing him like this! I NEED him to get better!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!